When Kids Do Well: Unlocking Their Potential Through Support and Understanding

Every child has the potential to thrive, learn, and grow into a capable, compassionate adult. But success doesn’t happen in isolation. It is often said, "Kids do well if they can," a phrase popularized by Dr. Ross Greene, founder of the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model. This simple yet profound idea emphasizes that children succeed when they are equipped with the skills, support, and opportunities to meet expectations.

Skills Before Willpower

It’s easy to misinterpret a child’s challenging behavior as a lack of motivation or effort. However, most children want to meet expectations and behave well. When they don’t, the issue is less about “won’t” and more about “can’t.” Challenges such as difficulty regulating emotions, solving problems, or managing transitions often lie beneath the surface of misbehavior.

Imagine asking a child to perform a skill they’ve not yet mastered, like solving a complex math problem without instruction. If the child struggles, we don’t blame them for being unwilling to try. Instead, we recognize the gap in their learning and step in with guidance. Similarly, behavioral challenges indicate lagging skills, not a lack of desire or intent.

By addressing gaps in skills—whether it’s emotional regulation, executive functioning, or social interaction—we set children up for success. Supporting kids involves teaching and practicing these skills, just as we would for academics or sports.

Empathy Over Punishment

Traditional discipline often focuses on consequences, assuming children will learn if they experience discomfort for their actions. However, punishment doesn’t teach missing skills—it can erode trust, increase anxiety, and escalate conflict.

Instead, empathy-driven approaches make a world of difference. Understanding why a child struggles opens the door to finding solutions together. For instance, if a child resists doing homework, the underlying cause might be feeling overwhelmed, lacking confidence, or not understanding the material. When we approach the issue with curiosity rather than judgment, we can collaboratively address their needs, building resilience and problem-solving abilities along the way.

The Role of Relationships

Positive relationships are the foundation for growth. When children feel understood and supported, they’re more likely to engage and succeed. Connection builds trust, fosters open communication, and gives kids the confidence to navigate challenges.

Parents, teachers, and caregivers play pivotal roles in creating environments where kids feel safe to express themselves. A culture of encouragement—one that celebrates efforts rather than fixating on outcomes—empowers children to explore their potential and develop intrinsic motivation.

A Brighter Path Forward

The journey to helping kids thrive begins with the belief that they are doing their best under the circumstances. When children struggle, it’s a signal, not a problem. They are asking for guidance, tools, and understanding to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

Investing time in teaching, supporting, and connecting with children has far-reaching benefits. Not only does it improve their immediate well-being, but it also lays the foundation for their future success as empathetic, resourceful, and capable adults.

Because at the core of every child’s struggles is a desire to succeed—and when they can, they will.